I feel disheartened at the moment, having just read a number of articles on the increasing 'softness' of the A-levels. Disheartened and annoyed is more accurate actually, so I choose to rant here about this.

I remember breaking down a few times during the AS-levels, I remember seeing people stop chattering away at lunch about 2 months before the exams. We all just sat there and sighed, regular outbursts of "oh god I'm not ready!!" being the norm.

I'm in my final year and instead of being stressed around easter like last year, it seems that I've felt nauseous since september. I've worked solidly all year as a result of this driving fear. To me receiving my results will be akin to receiving water after a 2 week crawl through a desert. Or something equally dramatic. But now it seems I'm working for nothing, because really these exams are easy right? Getting easier? My friends and I are on the edge of  breakdown and all we hear is that we're getting an easy ride. In my world a B is not a pass, it's a little marker indicating that I will not get into the uni I want. It's telling me that I've failed the teachers and parents who expected so much more. When we deliver adults nod to themselves and say "well, obviously we're going too easy on you".

I seems to be descending into full on maniacal ranting here, I apologise for generalising so much, but this is really getting to me. And has caused me to think about something else.

Teenagers also binge-drink, this I won't deny. It's a massive problem. A year ago I'd never really done it, always thinking "why would you want to do that every night? Drink until you can't move?" And last easter I heard myself saying "When this is over I'm going to get as drunk as humanly possible" or something along those lines. Indeed the parties held straight after the exams were rife with teens glugging from bottles of vodka and shouting "WE DESERVE THIS".

If you're going to go out in the weekend, knowing you can only do so on friday night because you have to work all day on sunday. You will get as drunk as possible, because not drinking would mean you're wasting what little time you have on 'boring' sobriety.

I'm sure that adult life will be  and is far more stressful, but that doesn't make my efforts meaningless.

(And yes, this reads completely as just another teenager trying to make their problems important. In the end that is exactly what it is, oh god I'm a cliche)

Ok people, it's an important day! It's the day I'm actually going to write in my journal *bows and curtseys* a-thank you, a-thank you. I think this plan is slightly flawed in the fact that i generally don't like journals, specifically my own, but nonetheless I shall try! I'll just write lots of trivial things and attempt not to feel self-indulgent. *grins*

Ok...trivial...trivial.

Last week my school finally got chess pieces to go with the chessboard/tables in our sixth form centre, I thought they would be lost/thrown at people in the first hour. But no. Now the majority of the sixth form spend their breaks and lunches playing chess. At first I was thinking 'how posh does this make us!?!?' but then someone said to me, 'don't mix intelligence with poshness' and I coulda slapped myself. That someone was so right, I was just a little silly with my attitude. And so today I learnt more things! (Other than actual school work)

There, I'm sure I'll improve over time...or give up. Maybe I should learn proper grammar...

Current Location: A bean bag in the sky
Current Mood: content